A couple weeks ago as my youngest daughter and I sat in a coffee shop just killing time in between our last errand and a birthday party, it sunk in how it had been a really long time since I just slowed down for awhile and just was. I took the time to let her pick what she wanted to order without rushing her. She drew her letters and pictures on the card without any prompting to hurry up so we would not be late. We browsed the toy store just because.
It makes me think about how so much of life is getting from day to day. Work week to work week. Get through the sleepless nights of the baby stage. Get through potty training. Help kids learn to read. Get to the weekend. Get the house organized. Get up and rush to get ready for work. Rush home to get kids and make dinner. Rush to activities. Hurry to get them to bed.
No wonder I am so tired.
We live for moments but sometimes I forget to enjoy the moments I am working so hard to get to. Those moments I am looking forward to become another rushed moment to get things done.
Lately I have been trying to forget about keeping up with the rat race around me and enjoy the simple things in my life. A hug with my kids. Watching a movie with my husband. An evening run or a show and my favourite chocolate bar (or maybe all 3!)
With kids, it is so easy to get busy and forget why I am doing all the things I am doing. The days and weeks can seem so long and busy and all of a sudden so much time has past. I do not one day be old and grey and with regrets that I missed all those moments. I have not written on my blog for a long time, have not run much lately, and have overall been feeling a bit in a rut. I have been feeling tired, caught up in the monotony of the daily life living to get through the day.
I am realizing it is time for a change.
So some things I am doing to make things different, to get out of this rut.
I have been simplifying my house so that my weekends are not spend organizing and cleaning. This has been something I have been working on for what feels like forever but have been going pretty hardcore with this the past month. I am putting more responsibility on my kids to clean up after themselves. We are letting go of a lot of items we have collected that are just not serving us right now. It is amazing how much easier it is already to clean the house and how much lighter the house feels. It can be exhausting to go through, but also freeing to let go of the items I did not realize were causing me to feel anxious. (I will write more about this soon when I feel like I have finally turned the corner in this area!)
I am also trying to change my routine again, to have quality time with my kids and my husband. And quality time by myself. Going to bed earlier, going for a run, eating properly. Going to the park or sitting to read a book. Taking time to play that game my 4 year old has asked me to play over and over again. Watching the ridiculous video my 7 year old thinks is hilarious.
Last, I am taking time to reflect and enjoy rather than focus on the what ifs. Instead of looking forward to the next goal, I am enjoying the view a bit more.
Today as my oldest was having a hard morning before school, it took all my strength not to yell at her and just make her get in the truck. When I paused and actually asked her what was going on, she told me that she was feeling like she needed some time with me and was feeling ignored. Luckily I had a rare extra day off (which I had a mile long list of things I planned to accomplish during), so I planned to pick her up from school and spend some time with her. We had after school treats, cuddles and a show, and then later in the day even more cuddles. If I was in my usual rut of getting things done and being busy, I would have pushed her away and missed that morgen that we both really needed to connect.
Today was a good reminder of why it is important for me to slow down, take those moments, and to remember what really matters.
Today I will again take it one day at a time.