To Be or Not to Be?

It can be a weird feeling to be a parent and supposedly an adult when some days I wake up and feel like I have no clue what I am doing. I wish I had it “all together,” but some days I am truly just trying to make it to the end of the day.

In previous posts I have shared that I tend to want to have everything planned out and know how things are going. I’m sure my mom would tell you from the time I was little I always had a plan in mind and no one was going to get in the way of my choices. Unfortunately life keeps getting in my way. Slowly, I am learning that I do not get to control many things as much as I might wish. And the more that I let go and enjoy the moment the better things are. In truth, as much as I like to think I do, maybe I do not always have all the answers or know best.

Who knows where life can take one if they let go a little. I think back to many of the unplanned pieces of my life… bigger moments such as my first kid before university was finished, my first job after my degree or even the smaller details like a quiet moment on a park bench in the middle of a run or a tickle session instead of doing homework with my kids. Some of the best decisions and best memories have been completely unexpected and unplanned. Some of the hardest times in my life have really defined who I am today. Who would I be if I had skipped those for the ‘better’ (aka easier) way?

So I am making a conscience effort to let go a little bit and see what happens.

Let my kids be a bit more responsible for their choices and actions.

Still have goals for my life but not have to plan every aspect or will every goal into action.

Be OK when goals change and recognize a change in a goal or life direction is not a failure.

This past year I decided to make more of a conscience effort to let my kids struggle a bit rather than “rescue” them from every uncomfortable situation. When they get upset they need to wait a bit for dinner or struggle through learning to ride a bike I empathize but I do not swoop in and rescue them. Recently I reflected that perhaps it is not just my kids that need to learn to be OK with the tougher moments. Maybe I need to step back and be more patient with myself too.

With life, it is always easier to look back at the path we have taken and think of how we could have done things differently. But who is to say I would be the person I am today without the path I have taken? Some of the parts of me I am the most proud are a product from my hardest times, my least favourite jobs, or from broken relationships.

So the next time I feel like my life is hard or not fitting in my perfectly made plans, maybe just maybe it is actually just changing directions. And maybe just maybe this can be a good thing.


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